SPECIAL REPORT - Local Camper Attacked by Alligator

On Thursday afternoon, sources report that local camper Keilani Williams was attacked by a rogue alligator in Room 226.

How the alligator entered the university in downtown Chicago, made it to the second floor, and managed to ambush the camper in question, we may never know. The alligator was reported to be unusually diminutive, with a fuzzy coat, rather than the more common scales. Its back legs may also be missing.

When questioned about the event, Williams yelled, “Ha ha ha!” Clearly, the seriousness of the situation had gone to her head.

The alligator, which may in fact be a puppet, escaped the classroom in a plastic bin at the end of rehearsal. The whereabouts of the fierce beast are, as yet, sketchy. Local authorities and camp administrators suspect that the alligator might surface later today at the camp talent show. Be there at 3pm in the Congress Lounge — and bring a net!